The Widow Assassins Is Like A Cheap Version Of The Sexy Nuns From Hitman
(Last Updated On: November 29, 2016)

You know those S&M nuns from Hitman: Absolution? The ones in all leather who were targeting 47? Well, imagine a movie centered around that kind of concept, except instead of assassin nuns it’s sexy anti-hero widow assassins.

The name of the movie is The Widows Assassin, but part of me thinks maybe there was a slight translation error and it was supposed to be The Widow Assassins? Anyway, according to HK Cinema they’re calling it The Widow Killer. Iit’s tough to get an idea of what the actual plot is because the trailer for the movie is all over the place. It’s about a second shy of being three minutes long, but it features women dressed in sexy clothing while being covert assassins.

There’s no one easily recognizable in the cast and it’s apparently an online streaming movie that just recently became available in Hong Kong.

It’s almost the equivalent of a direct-to-DVD film here in America.

While the plot looks pretty dumb (based off the incoherent mess compiled together in the trailer), the action could have helped it out if it didn’t also look equally dumb. The major issue is that none of the action they showcased in the trailer seems to be clearly filmed, so it’s hard to get an idea of what you’re looking at and why the action is happening.

Bullets fly at aimless targets; some guys get shot; some people get strangled; some other people get punched. It’s all kind of mindlessly thrown together to make up for a real mess of a trailer.

The last third of the trailer is basically just a series of gunfire and explosions. The real sad part about it is that the film appears to actually use old-school squibbing, which is a shame because there are so many better movies out there that needs squibbing that isn’t this film.

The other weird part about it is that the movie doesn’t seem to have any descriptions on its official entry on the Hong Kong Cinema page. It’s odd.

Hitman: Absolution - Nuns

According to a rough translation from another HK site, the movie follows a group of vigilante assassins known as the “Widow Assassin” group. They go around killing gang members until someone is killed leading up to the election of the new leader of one of the biggest gangs in the city. It’s supposed to be an action-crime revenge flick.

It kind of looks like someone played Hitman: Absolution and loved the killer nuns. It was like they met with a producer who thought it would be cool to make a flick based on those nuns, but then turned them into a widow assassin group but they couldn’t hire a decent writer to make the whole thing coherent.

Anyway, the Widow Killers or Widows Assassin or The Widow Assassins is available to stream right now online, but based on the trailer it might be best to steer clear.

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Billy has been rustling Jimmies for years covering video games, technology and digital trends within the electronics entertainment space. The GJP cried and their tears became his milkshake. Need to get in touch? Try the Contact Page.

  • Migi

    Only thing Chinees ppl can do is rip-off originality in the lamest possible way.
    I noticed that the soundtrack at the end off the trailer sounds like it was ripped from Mad max fury road, I doubt the Chinees ppl licence anything legitly.

    • Yep, that’s the Fury Road soundtrack tacked on at the end.

      • Migi

        Ya know what actually suprises me, That it wasen’t used with their Chinees mad max knock-off.

    • C G Saturation

      Yeah. They don’t have copyright laws over there. You should see all the stuff they steal and use on Chinese TV. If you’ve heard it, chances are they’re using it. I am not even exaggerating.

      It’s a shame because they do have some talented artists that they don’t seem to respect at all.

      • Migi

        kinda sad isen’t. i read that China steals all the military data from other countries simply so they can copy it and claim they produced it with their own engineers.

        True, they have some ppl that can actual have talent but sadly that means your thinking outside the communist agenda and they lock you up for being a sentient being instead of a drone.