Steam Award Winners Prove Games In 2016 Sucked

2016 sucked so bad when it came for pushing for new innovations in gaming, because innovation was pushed off to the side completely in favor of games being more about identity politics than fun. In fact, the sentiment seemed to be more true than most people realize because the majority of games winning Steam’s 2016 Awards are games that released years ago.

Now, I didn’t waste an iota of text on a “Best of” list because quite frankly nothing was good enough this year to deserve to have my time wasted to wax poetics with a  textual tongue-job. Screw that noise. And apparently gamers said the same thing because only two games released in 2016 walked away with a Steam award.

Blues pointed to the page over on the official Steam website where each of the winners from the categorical nominations were listed. You can check out the full winners below.

  • “Villain Most In Need Of A Hug” Won by Portal 2
  • “I Thought This Game Was Cool Before It Won An Award” Won by Euro Truck Simulator 2
  • “Test of Time” Won by The Elder Scrolls V: Skyrim
  • “Just 5 More Minutes” Won by Counter-Strike: Global Offensive
  • “Whoooaaaaaaa, dude!” Won by Grand Theft Auto V
  • “Game Within A Game” Won by Grand Theft Auto V
  • “I’m Not Crying, There’s Something In My Eye” Won by The Walking Dead
  • “Best Use Of A Farm Animal” Won by Goat Simulator
  • “Boom Boom” Won by DOOM
  • “Love/Hate Relationship” Won by DARK SOULS III
  • “Sit Back and Relax” Won by Euro Truck Simulator 2
  • “Better With Friends” Won by Left 4 Dead 2

Well would you look at that. Most of those games are from almost half a decade ago.

Granted, games like Battlefield 1, Titanfall 2 and Overwatch – some of the most celebrated games of 2016 – were not available on Steam and were thus ineligible for nomination, but I tend to doubt that would have changed the winner’s list much. Even still, games like Mafia III, Watch Dogs 2, Dishonored 2 and Call of Duty: Infinite Warfare are nowhere to be seen on the list, and with the exception of Dishonored 2, they rightfully don’t belong within 10 feet of that list.

Out of 12 of the winners, two of those categories went to GTA V, which released on PC back in 2015. The Elder Scrolls V: Skyrim walked away with an award, even though that game is now five years old. Goat Simulator picked up a win even though that game came out back in 2014.

Heck, Portal 2 is almost six years old and that game still managed to beat out all of the other puzzle games released in 2016.

Pathetic.

And the award for replayability and addiction? Counter-Strike: Global Offensive… because apparently a bunch of other shoddy multiplayer games released in 2016 on Steam can’t hold a candle to a game that came out back in 2012. Either it speaks volumes to the lack of replayability for the games made within the last four years, or it means gamers just aren’t buying new games. However, according to Steam Spy, the latter isn’t true at all. I guess that just means newer games suck when it comes replayability.

Only DOOM and Dark Souls III were the two 2016 titles that seemed to make their way onto a lot of people’s top games list. And DOOM is mostly filling out those lists because they decided not to screw over the brand by turning it into a piss-poor Call of Duty clone.

The games that won something special in the first annual Steam Awards were voted on and selected by the community. It’s really telling what gamers thought of 2016’s offerings given that they pissed on those games and decided to highlight winners that deserved it from back before identity politics became the name of the game and fun was put on the back burner so some beta male in problem glasses with spiky pink hair could make a game he and his dillweed friends from San Francisco could broadcast on social media for non-existent virtue signal points that most normal human beings couldn’t give two monkey-made turd pellets about.

But if this list of games that are actually fun — winning awards because they deserve it — made faux Twitter-laden slacktivists like Jonathan McIntosh cry in a corner because his frail sensibilities got triggered, then 2016’s sucky video game offerings was worth it.


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Billy has been rustling Jimmies for years covering video games, technology and digital trends within the electronics entertainment space. The GJP cried and their tears became his milkshake. Need to get in touch? Try the Contact Page.

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