It’s hard to get over just how fugly the main characters look in Mass Effect: Andromeda, papa Ryder looks like John Glover who was beat over the head in a low resolution ghetto with a fugly stick, and daughter Ryder looks like hopeful for getting second place next to the winner of a beauty pageant contestant who was awarded a participation medal for competing and losing every year.
The screenshots were posted up over on AllGamesDelta, featuring a couple of members of the Ryder family, a Salarian and an Asari. The shots appear to come from some in-game cinematics where we get to see some of the poorly modeled hair on papa Ryder along with his L.A., bum-beard and his creeper face.
He seems to be sporting a poor man’s Michael Douglas mullet from the 1980’s, and eyebrows that are more untamed than the furrowed brow of paraplegic retirees at a nursing home.
A low forehead and protruding frontal lobe doesn’t bode particularly well for papa Ryder’s phrenological profile, but he still tries to look intense and savvy while looking over the star map in Mass Effect: Andromeda‘s new ship, the Tempest.
If papa Alec Ryder bit the dust in an unceremonious way, I wouldn’t shed a tear.
On the upside the screenshots do give us a brief look at a more decent looking Asari. Thankfully not everyone is a Peebee clone in Mass Effect: Andromeda.
She’s nothing to write home about, but unlike Peebee you wouldn’t need a fridge full of beer to get drunk enough to even consider second base.
I can’t say the same for Jane Ryder… who still looks like some 4/10 roommate from a romantic comedy starring Anne Hathaway.
The thing is, even if they weren’t going for traditional beauty, I don’t understand why they had to make the characters both fugly and dopey looking? Does that face say “I’m going to save the world, even if I have to headbutt a Krogan to do so!”?
More than anything it’s a face that says “I can’t wait for the weekend so I can watch Orange is the New Black on Netflix and eat orange sherbert Häagen-Dazs.”
I don’t know about you, but I’m pretty sure the human race didn’t hire an ice cream connoisseur to save the galaxy.
But speaking of saving… even when heroics are on display, the helmets still can’t contain the dopey, fugly faces.
And then there’s the Salarian… at least he’s just an average alien doing his job. He’s no better or worse than the last Salarian you’ve seen from Mass Effect 3.
Also, you know things are bad when already ugly aliens are less fugly than the human characters.
Fugliness aside, Mass Effect: Andromeda is due for release on March 21st for the PC, PS4, PS4 Pro and Xbox One. Some people are already asking if the game will suck, with various Reddit posts and blogs like Jack and the Geekstalk bluntly questioning “will it suck?”
While I can’t answer that question, I can say that some people are already willing to boycott the game over Manveer Heir’s racist tirade on Twitter, prompting some people to put together a petition asking for the Mass Effect: Andromeda developer to be fired.
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