Conan Exiles Won’t Have Physics-Based Penises On Xbox One, PS4
Conan Exiles Dong
(Last Updated On: March 12, 2017)

Funcom plans to make some concessions for Conan Exiles on the home consoles: you won’t be able to have physics-based schlongs swinging around freely in the wind, slapping foliage as you run through the fields, and pounding dirt as you harvest and till.

In an interview with Gamespot, it was revealed that the bologna punching bags in Conan Exiles that dangle like wrecking balls from cranes, won’t be making an appearance in the home console versions of the game. Creative director Joel Bylos told the gaming outlet…

“It means that on consoles, it won’t work. The nudity filter will be off. You won’t be able to choose it. I haven’t been in the process with Xbox for a while, but I think maybe boobs are okay on Xbox? So maybe we’ll get partial nudity in? But, I don’t know. We haven’t started the process.


“The thing I think is quite interesting is, it’s not a sexualized game–there’s not a whole lot of focus on the sex part. So I don’t know. It’s seems quite innocent to me. I know we talked about it, definitely. That’s why we have the “turn-off” on servers, because A, some people don’t want to play and have their kids see dicks in the background, and B, we knew that one day on consoles we’d have to set them to off anyways.”

The reason for the excision of nudity is that they probably want to keep the game rated ‘M’ for Mature. Anything higher and it’s not going to see the light of day on home consoles. Some of you might be aware that in the PC version of Conan Exiles a lot of people like running around buck naked, killing other players and tea-bagging them using their well-endowed, physics-based schlongs.

You can click through the NSFW image below to see the full thing.

And yes, the schlongs do dangle and wobble in the wind like the most masculine wind chimes you’ll see blowing from the awing of a porch.

It’s not hard to imagine that given the game’s already violent content, adding in the endowment slider would likely push the rating over the top into the Adults Only territory for home consoles.

According to On MSFT, Microsoft clarified that they’re willing to allow Conan Exiles onto the Xbox One Game Preview program once the ESRB gives it an acceptable rating, with a rep stating…

“The statement made by Funcom about “Conan” content being altered at the discretion of Microsoft was inaccurate. Microsoft and Xbox abide by the policies and guidelines set forth by the Entertainment Software Ratings Board (ESRB) rating system. Funcom has submitted “Conan Exiles” for review to the ESRB and pending its receipt of an acceptable rating we look forward to publishing the game on Xbox.”

Whatever rating the game gets for the Xbox is what it’ll get for the PS4 as well. It’s likely that they’ll try to play it safe and keep the drooping dude dongs out of the game for home consoles.

The real question is: Will bare boobs still be present? Well, boobs have been present in God of War games, Shadow of the Damned, Dante’s Inferno and plenty of other titles that managed to escape with an ‘M’ rating, so it’s possible that bare boobs could still make an appearance.

As soon as Conan Exiles gets approved by the ESRB you can expect to see it on the Xbox One’s Game Preview catalog, and once Funcom fixes up the title and gets everything running clean and pristine, you can then expect to see a completed version launch on the PS4.

At the moment, the game is available right now over on the Steam store via Early Access.

(Main image courtesy of La Fourache)

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Billy has been rustling Jimmies for years covering video games, technology and digital trends within the electronics entertainment space. The GJP cried and their tears became his milkshake. Need to get in touch? Try the Contact Page.

  • This is funny. It’s almost like a reverse situation, because as we all well fucking know, it’s usually the female skin that gets butchered and the male gamers being left disappointed. Every time.

    Because as you know in the mainstream games media and SJW circles, fanservice for females is the best thing ever that needs to be glorified, and fan-service for males is sexist, misogynist and promotes rape culture.

    Yeah the dick getting “censored” is disappointing for the fans of it, but at the same time I’ve got virtually no sympathy for them, because they sure as hell stayed quiet when the female skin and boobs were getting attacked and censored up the wazoo.

  • 💋*.*Ada Wong*.*💋

    THAT’S FUCKING SEXIST ! If men can see our boobs in that game why can’t we see their penises too ? I want penises ! xD
    Seriously kids knows YouPorn by heart nowdays and they are becoming psychopaths on gta 5 And Microsoft and Sony are afraid that a human body might be too shocking for them and the people ? Let me say this : Oh reallyyyy … ?
    Not gonna buy the game on ps4 of they do that.

    • Phasmatis75

      Brutally murder millions: No problem
      See some tit: Unacceptable

      At least Japan has their priorities the right way.

      • 💋*.*Ada Wong*.*💋

        So true !

  • Alistair

    That just bullshit naked Penis and pussys by itself wont tilt the rating to AO pegi would give it a 18 anyways and it Not for nudity the violence would play a part of that.

    Gory violence = Instant 18, why else you wont see a sexual icon on a 18 Rated game because Violence takes top spot then sexual themes.

    Hell even a pegi-12 can have nudity and the swear word “Fuck” So someone is telling lies.

    • 💋*.*Ada Wong*.*💋

      Totally agree with you

  • Alistair

    Oh noes no penis just boobs allow.

    I guess femmists SJWs wont like the Penis to be censored.

    As it carter to them on PC.

    It sony and microsoft that got a say but microsoft comes out of this worse.

    As censored gaming reported microsoft would allow full nudity, the new ME:A getting full nudity on a sony platform.

    shows what hypocrites they are sony, microsoft and the coward devs that got no back bone.

    Now billy Penis Doesn’t intrest me, but i for one isnt for censored im with the femmists this time wanting a big swinging ball sack in the wind left uncensored.

    So there for i wont buy the fucking game. And microsoft fucking lied let not forget that.

    • Now billy Penis Doesn’t intrest me,

      You sure about that?

    • 💋*.*Ada Wong*.*💋

      I’m angry

      • THAT’S FUCKING SEXIST ! If men can see our boobs in that game why can’t we see their penises too? I’m angry

        Where were you when female character’s skin, boobs and booty were being attacked and censored up the wazoo for the last 5+ years?

        Oh I get it, you only care and speak up when it’s censorship of something YOU enjoy.

        This is a just rare one-off anyway. It’ll ALWAYS be the sexy female characters they’ll attack and censor in future games. So don’t fret.

        • We also don’t know if they may add those peeled bananas back into the game, depending on how things go with the ESRB. Craving that ‘D’ may not entirely be off the table.

          • Well for the sake of the fans, I hope the peeled bananas will be put back in the game.

            No-one deserves to have harmless stuff they enjoy censored.

            Maybe this will “wake up” the other side of the fan-service coin and encourage them to help speak up against censorship when some female skin is censored. But I doubt it.

  • Pratim Gupta

    Master Race wins again

    • Phasmatis75

      Master Race has cancer called Denuvo.

      • Pratim Gupta

        nothing that CPY can’t solve, Resident Evil cracked in less than 7 days, many developers such as Id removed Denuvo from their games like Doom. Denuvo never works, Piracy always finds a way.

        instead of spending money on DRM, Developers should focus on creating good games because Skyrim and Witcher 3 showed us despite Piracy if the game is good, it will sell millions of copy even to this day, combine it with great dlc, mod support and fanbase appeasing, you got your golden ticket to moneyvile and we get the game we always wanted

  • LurkerJK

    It is a fact, Xbox chops your characters penises off

  • ptitty

    First it was Watch Dogs 2 with the exposed vagina, now it’s Conan with penises. JUST LET THE GENITALS BE FREE DAMMIT

  • Reaper of Salt

    Another reason why gamers should PC over console… just sayin’.

    • 💋*.*Ada Wong*.*💋

      We want buddy but it’s not the same price.

    • Phasmatis75

      Pc version has denuvo, and considering there is a pirated version available for free that doesn’t, and other survival games, there is no justifiable reason to get Conan Exiles.