Ready Player One’s Big, Sloppy Trailer Gives Away The Entire Movie
Ready Player One

A new trailer dropped for Warner Bros. Entertainment’s Ready Player One. The trailer centers around the main character of Watts, and how he lives in a poor and destitute section of Ohio because there’s no where else to go in 2045 that isn’t a piss-poor cesspit for the proletariat. Heck, there is no proletariat in 2045.

The trailer reveals that this kid’s parents got aced off from the world of the living when he was but a wee bitty child and now he lives alone in a tiny shack that’s equivalent to the Chinese death cubicles that exist right now.

To escape from the crappy reality of his existence, Watts dives into the Oasis… a virtual world not unlike the crude and visually unimpressive ones that exist right now for the Oculus Rift and HTC Vive. Once inside the Oasis, life sucks a little less when you get to race around in Mad Max’s Interceptor or team up with the Battletoads in epic melee battles. The trailer does a fine job of ruining the entire story by giving away the beginning, middle and end in well under three minutes. Possibly a new record time.

So right off the bat you can see Speed Racer’s Mach 5, there’s the A-Team van, you can see the Silver Age Batmobile, Mad Max’s Interceptor, and the Delorean.

A minute and a half into the trailer we finally find out what the movie is about: the old dude who designed the Oasis has died and he’s going to give someone half a trillion dollars and complete control over the Oasis if they can find the golden Easter Egg.

Ready Player One - Mad Max Mach 5

The movie turns into the typical poor resistance people versus the rich conglomerate, as the corporate powers that be find out that Wade Watts is winning and is potentially on his way to earning the Easter Egg. So they decide to wage war against the poor people, both in the Oasis and in real life. This results in a giant battle sequence involving the Battletoads, the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, Duke Nukem, Tracer, Chun-Li and a bunch of other people all rushing to head into battle against the “bad guys”.

Ready Player One - BattleToads

If they decide to hook up Chun-Li with Tracer then expect Overwatch’s cancer to spread to Street Fighter.

It looks like a big, noisy, cliched mess with a lot of annoying CGI work and more time spent giving nods to pop-culture references than building something original, but if you’re a kid who was unfortunate enough to grow up as a millennial then you might like big, noisy trash like this.

That’s not to mention that the entire beginning, middle and end of the movie was spoiled within two and a half minutes. There’s literally no reason to watch the film unless you’re one those people who like to point out blink-and-you-missed-it moments referencing a bygone era of pop-culture icons, video game characters from back when the industry wasn’t trying to become a propaganda-ridden gambling ring, comic books from before they were being used as indoctrination vehicles for millennial sophists, and movies from a time when filmmakers knew how to construct coherent stories with practical effects that were actually enjoyable.

Anyway, the movie is due to launch in theaters on March 30th, 2018.


Billy has been rustling Jimmies for years covering video games, technology and digital trends within the electronics entertainment space. The GJP cried and their tears became his milkshake. Need to get in touch? Try the Contact Page.

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