Xbox Games With Gold For January, 2018 Features Sexy And Manly Games For Real Gamers
Tomb Raider Underworld

Larry “Major Nelson” Hryb rolled out the complete list of free games that will be available as part of the Games With Gold line-up for subscribers to Xbox Live Gold. The list was published on December 22nd, 2017 over on the Major Nelson blog.

Starting January 1st and going through January 31st is NecroCore Games’ The Incredible Adventures of Van Helsing II for the Xbox One. This game came out back in 2014 on PC, and it’s currently discounted right now during the Steam Winter Sale by 66% off the normal price for only $5.09 on the Steam store. So if you have an adequate enough PC you might want to consider grabbing the game from there.

The isometric hack-and-slash game gained quite an audience when it first came out because at the time there weren’t many quality, modern-day hack-and-slash ARPGs, and Blizzard was still reeling from their RMAH inclusion in Diablo III. Nevertheless, Th Incredible Adventures of Van Helsing II still had its ups and downs and still has a fair amount of hiccups and issues that some customer reviews still bring up to this day. However, it’s going to be free for Xbox One owners, so there’s nothing really to lose in the process.

During the second half of January Microsoft will be giving away a free digital copy of Ubisoft’s Zombi. The game originally came out as a launch title for the Wii U, and back then it was known as ZombiU but it about as well as piss-flavored urinade during restaurant week taking place throughout a scorching hot summer of Alabama.

Nevertheless, you’ll be getting the survival title for free between January 16th and February 15th, 2018. The game was notable for its permadeath feature, which was all the rage at the time thanks to the popularity of Dean “Rocket” Hall’s DayZ.

On the Xbox 360 side of things there’s cool pairing of classic titles from the former generation, including Crystal Dynamics’ Tomb Raider: Underworld.

It was shortly after Underworld that Lara was de-sexualized and turned into a whiny, nonathletic brat in the reboot.

Tomb Raider: Underworld will be available for the Xbox 360 and as a backwards compatible title for the Xbox One between January 1st and January 15th, 2018.

Last but certainly not least is Army of Two, one of the new franchises that Electronic Arts helped fund during the period where they weren’t quite so hated. In fact, they were making some decent games back during that period before going full evil again.

This was back when we had real men as heroes in games and the world was a safer place because of their unbridled masculinity standing at the forefront of the third-person and first-person action genres. This was an era where men were allowed to pick their noses with teeth-bitten fingernails, and spread their legs on benches without worrying about getting arrested for manspreading.

This was back during a time when there were only two genders, and one of them was known for having big muscles, deep voices, and were unashamed about their brash personality… and no, I’m not talking about the female bodybuilder furry community.

Sadly, this new generation of gaming is all about the nu-male, soy-boy brigade; where we have a lot of shriveled up, soft-spoken, bottle-milk drinking pansies trying to be anti-violent heroes, cheered on by rapist-journalists and sexual harassers at media outlets. It’s disgusting.

If you want to play as real men, doing real manly things, you can look to get your hands on Army of Two for the Xbox 360 or as a backwards compatible title for Xbox One between January 16th and January 31st, 2018 as part of the Games With Gold for January for Xbox Live Gold subscribers.


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Billy has been rustling Jimmies for years covering video games, technology and digital trends within the electronics entertainment space. The GJP cried and their tears became his milkshake. Need to get in touch? Try the Contact Page.

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