Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson has one blockbuster movie coming out after another. His most recently advertised flick is an action movie that’s basically an over-the-top version of the 1988 classic Die Hard fused with the 1974 film The Towering Inferno, with a dash of the less-than-memorable schlock from 2000 starring Gary Daniels called Epicenter, where The Rock’s family is trapped in a high-rise that ends up catching fire while terrorist have taken over.
I imagine there’s an exasperated sigh being let out by everyone who read that last line. Don’t worry, you aren’t alone.
The movie’s debut trailer aired during the Super Bowl, giving potential moviegoers a look at the lackluster action that longes viewers along at a very predictable pace. You can check out the trailer below, courtesy of MovieClips Trailers.
The first thing you’ll notice is that The Rock is married to an aging but lean Neve Campbell, and the first half of the trailer rubs it in heavy that they have biracial kids, something that has become a pang in the side of certain groups.
You can almost feel the bodily vibrations from the editors snickering irrepressibly with glee from their cushy chairs in the editing room as they plopped those clips in there, knowing full well how he NFL viewers would feel about it. They even go so far as to jokingly include the clip where the kids emphatically say “ew!” when they see The Rock and Neve Campbell lock lips for a quick kiss.
Fortunately enough for Leftists, there’s little time in the comment section to wax poetics about preserving futures because too many people are scoffing at the ridiculous premise of the movie itself.
The Rock’s family gets trapped in the upper floors of the ludicrously high Chinese skyscraper. Meanwhile terrorists (obviously not the kind form the middle east) have taken over the building and cops are helpless to stop it.
Only The Rock can stop the terrorists and save his family… except he’s only got one leg.
Yes, they actually couldn’t settle for checking off the diversity boxes with having a minority lead, they also needed to check off the disabled box, and the multi-racial family getting captured. Literally the only two things they were missing is a lesbian trans… and by golly if they’ve gone that far maybe, just maybe one of The Rock’s kids in the movie just might make it happen before the credits roll, with a completely inconspicuous line where his daughter says “Daddy, you’ve inspired me to become a man, and I think I’m in love with my classmate, Tina!” Cue credits.
Oh my gosh… where does a lesbian, biracial-trans with a disabled black father fit on the Progressive Stack? That’s like at least silver-medal worthy in the Oppression Olympics.
But that’s not even the best part (or worst part?) about Skyscraper.
Apparently The Rock’s missing leg is going to stump his activities in attempting to save his family, where he’ll have to get a leg up on the terrorists by overcoming the disability of only having one leg that might surely trip him up when attempting to perform big feats. In fact, the big crescendo of action is themed around this one-legged savior running across a crane in order to leap back into the burning skyscraper.
I mean, can a movie really push the boundaries any further? Is it even possible? I imagine some Leftists have nosebleeds from how high the Progressivism in this film has already taken them – it’s right out there into the stratosphere: a disabled minority fighting against white terrorists while his biracial kids cheer him on to fight against the system and defy the oppression of real-world physics in order to set a Chinese man’s epic-sized tower right. It’s brilliant.
There’s so many different sub-cultural layers for critical theorists to examine that they’ll be writing about this film in their Star Bucks classroom sessions at the University of Berkeley up until 2088, all while gulping down soy lattes while sitting on their Nintendo Labo-built stools, of course.
Anyway, Skyscraper is due to hit theaters this summer.