The new Xbox Avatars have been called many things: weird, strange, effeminate, and creepy. The one thing you probably won’t ever see any normal person say is that the new avatars are “cool”… and it’s because they’re not. As evident in one video, the new Xbox Avatars have been designed around being “diverse”, but all at the expense of allowing gamers to even figure out if they’re looking at a man or woman or something in between.
We’ve seen some of the Xbox Avatar videos in the past, and usually it’s based on the beta build with limited options or only a few of the clothing specs made available. Griffin Gaming did a nine minute video outlining some of the additional options and the default characters, and you can readily see how the “diverse” selection of character customization is an exercise in nightmare fuel. Check out the video below.
One of the biggest complaints about the new Xbox Avatars is that they aren’t very manly; they lack the masculine edge. It’s true, if you look at the selection options you can make male-oriented characters but they look like they’ve been drained of all their testosterone and had it replaced with… perhaps something a little chalkier, a little tinted… a little…
Anyway, the part that makes the avatars so creepy is the fact that they’re very rounded and curvy, especially for men, who typically have more rectangular body types. They obviously attempted to make the males and females interchangeable when it comes to clothing, accessories, and makeup, which is why so many times throughout the video Griffin has to ask if the defaults are men or women.
The one that really got me was that fairy, which is pictured at the top of the article. Like… is that a man, is that a woman, what the heck is it? It’s the sort of thing that your parents warn you after you’ve shot up some heroin for the second time.
This is part of the problem, though.
The females have had their boobs reduced to the point where their chests are mostly flat, and the men have been given man-boobs. All of them have these fat-people thighs with thigh-gaps and saggy butts, so not only can you not make masculine characters, but you also can’t really make very feminine or sexy characters either. They’re all kind of this blob of 3D mashed potatoes with androgynous clothing that hides any kind of curvature one might find attractive but also highlight the lumps most people find unattractive, like this bizarre abomination below.
What the heck is that? A woman with male facial hair, hands, and shoulders? Or is it a man with dainty female feet, eyes, and jawline?
Anyway, this was all part of Microsoft’s plan to make the Xbox Avatars more “inclusive” and “diverse”. That’s not even getting into the pregnant options, the wheelchair options, and the missing limbs. Yes, you can have your character hobble around as a paraplegic if you want… because, isn’t that how all people with disabilities want to be viewed in the virtual world… as a cripple?
It’s funny because a while back another user tried making himself but he came out looking like a stocky lesbian dealing with a bit of bloat during that time of the month while taking a vacation from working at the cement factory. It’s safe to say that he was not very pleased with the results.
The new Xbox Avatars are available right now. Alternatively, you can stick with the old Xbox Live Avatars and avoid the embarrassment of seeing those creepy-faced fops from starring at you all the time.
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