Weekly Recap May 4th: Sonic Rapes Nightmare Fuel, Pornhub Courts Tumblr, Notch Excommunicated
Weekly Recap

Oh boy, the first week of May held nothing back. It was pretty much everything you would expect from the fifth month in the Year of the Clown. This ranged from a bunch of high-profile Conservatives and Louis Farrakhan being banned from Facebook, to Microsoft dis-inviting Markus “Notch” Persson to the Minecraft 10th Anniversary event because of his anti-SJW comments made on Twitter.

Yes, we’re reaching peak clown status that no one thought was remotely honkable.

We saw Paramount’s version of Sonic in the first full movie trailer, and it looked like a furry cosplayer raped a canister of nightmare fuel and then got struck with a debilitating growth disorder after developing a bad case of hypertrichosis.

In more stimulating news, Pornhub and Fakku are flirting with the possibility of purchasing Tumblr from Verizon after the company made it known that Tumblr is sagging faster than Pamela Anderson’s silicon implants. However, if Fakku or Pornhub do purchase Tumblr they’re vowing to make it lewd again.

And Mortal Kombat 11 still managed to make headlines for all the wrong reasons this week, even after NetherRealm took an ideological pegging from the two-inch strap-on worn by the non-binary, gender-fluid, burqa-kin brigade. These stories and so much more in this May 4th, 2019 edition of the Weekly Recap.


Mortal Kombat 11 Sales Are Down 43.6% In UK

Getting woke usually leads to going broke, and Mortal Kombat 11 seems well on its way to doing so after it launched in second place in the U.K., against the PS4 exclusive Days Gone. Not only that but it was also down by 43.6% compared to Mortal Kombat X. I guess this is what happens when you censor people from even asking for the outfits from Mortal Kombat 9. You can now get banned from Twitch for having an old username that references President Donald J. Trump. One user was indefinitely suspended for having the user name D_TrumpApprentice69. World War Z supposedly sold 250,000 copies on PC, but the stats are a little hazy and the numbers aren’t being pushed forthright by the publishers, so it’s hard to tell how true that is. The N4G administrator, Christopher, found himself at the center of a debacle once more where his SJW bias had him getting called out by a user in a blog post, but the post was quickly censored by Christopher and the other moderators. And PewDiePie has given up on the “Subscribe to PewDiePie” meme after the news media hammered away at him, claiming that the meme was a dog whistle for racists.


Microsoft Excommunicates Notch From Minecraft Anniversary Event

Microsoft decided to force Notch out of attending the 10th anniversary event for Minecraft even though he created the freaking game. The reason for the excommunication? He said some anti-SJW truths that didn’t align with the SJW-minded fools at Microsoft. But this shouldn’t be a surprise given that Microsoft hates straight white men and Christians. The company even suspended a user for using the gamertag “Jesus is Lord” after they originally had the gamertag “IwillRedPillU”. While Mortal Kombat 11 has racked up plenty of criticism during its release, NetherRealm is trying to run damage control by giving players some free coins to compensate for all the complaints about the grind. And speaking of Mortal Kombat 11, the game prohibits players from using names like “Murder”, “Kill”, and “Slave” in the custom Variations. Seriously.


Sonic The Hedgehog Is Nightmare Fuel

Paramount Pictures unveiled the first full trailer for the upcoming Sonic The Hedgehog film, and it’s a disasterpiece. That’s the easiest way to put it. An SJW artist who claimed that lolis were bad, end up getting outed for sexual misconduct. Blizzard has announced that they will not be attending this year’s GamesCom event in Cologne, Germany because they have to focus on making games. Anti-SJWs managed to score a point with Youtube losing $70 billion in its market capital while trying to go woke. The RWBY lead actress told fans if they don’t like the direction the show is going in they should just watch something else, which seems eerily similar to what DICE told fans to do with Battlefield V. Pour one out for the SJW cringe sub-reddit because Reddit nuked it. But on the upside Super Smash Bros. Ultimate managed to sell nearly 14 million copies, proving good games still sell.


No New Switch Coming At E3

Hoping for a brand new Switch Pro to be unveiled at E3 this year? Well, Nintendo shot down the rumor saying it’s not coming. Microsoft updated their community standards and it’s the sort of thing you would expect from a danger-haired, problem-glasses wearing San Francisco hippie. It turns out that you can be banned from the /r/Socialism sub on Reddit just for being white. Randy Pitchford made the news again, this time for attacking Game Informer for accurately reporting what Pitchford said on stage during the reveal of Borderlands 3 where he stated that the game wouldn’t have microtransactions… even though it does. Facebook and Instagram went on a banning spree, deplatforming Milo Yiannopoulos, Louis Farrakhan, and Alex Jones for being “dangerous”. And there’s an editorial breaking down if Rocket League is actually leaving Steam or if Epic Games is just trying to placate the mass hate directed their way.


Pornhub Wants To Purchase Tumblr

In one of the most surprising news bits of the week, the director for the upcoming Sonic: The Hedgehog movie acknowledged all the harsh criticisms that the movie received and decided to go back and fix their perverted depiction of the blue hedgehog. In even better news, Nick Sandmann is suing NBC Universal for $250 million for the calumny they spread about the Covington Catholic high school. SJWs have turned against Mortal Kombat 11 in a bid to ruin the name and reputation of Ronda Rousey due to comments she made half a decade ago that they’re calling “transphobic”. And speaking of SJWs… they’ve managed to completely ruin Tumblr, so now Verizon is looking to sell the site and both Pornhub and Fakku are eyeing it to turn it into the lewdest playground on the internet. They want to make Tumblr degenerate again. And the comic book Rebel Yell got yanked from IndieGoGo because the Trust & Safety team claimed that it violated the terms of service.


Female SJW Artist From Pokemon Condemns Anime Fan-Service

Oh boy, things are getting ugly in the land of the rising sun. SJWs are becoming more brazen, more bold, and more empowered to speak their minds, which is not a good thing. A Japanese artist who worked on the Pokemon trading card games has publicly spoken out against fan-service in anime, and has condemned the use of ecchi content to attract otaku as consumers. The war against anime is spreading and #AnimeGate is right around the corner at this rate. And on the subject of anime, the SJW-infested Anime News Network filed a copyright strike (or a DMCA claim) against YouTuber Hero Hei, prohibiting him from live-streaming his content, all while supporting someone attempting to dox YellowFlash. Activision also revealed that they’re aiming to do something different with Call of Duty, so we’ll find out what that is when they reveal it at this year’s E3 in June. After a long bit of silence Hiroshi Yoshimura finally updated fans on the status of Code Vein, and Blizzard decided to turn a meme into reality by enforcing all attendees to have a mobile phone for this year’s BlizzCon.


Billy has been rustling Jimmies for years covering video games, technology and digital trends within the electronics entertainment space. The GJP cried and their tears became his milkshake. Need to get in touch? Try the Contact Page.

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