Charlie’s Angels Reboot Trailer Is About As Woke As You Would Expect
Charlies Angels

Last year it was reported that the reboot of Charlie’s Angels was going to be more “empowered” and “inclusive”, and oh boy did they hit that target judging by the latest promotional piece for the upcoming film.

Sony Pictures dropped the newest trailer for the woke reboot of Charlie’s Angels. It’s got Elizabeth Banks, with production by Elizabeth Banks, a screenplay by Elizabeth Banks, and its also written by Elizabeth Banks… oh, and did I mention that it’s directed by Elizabeth Banks? Because Elizabeth Banks also directed the film, and it also stars Elizabeth Banks, in case you didn’t know that Elizabeth Banks is in the film, because she is.

Beyond Elizabeth Banks the film also features Kristen Stewart as the prototypical archetype of a lesbian “badass”; with the other two roles filled in by the mocha-shaded duo of Naomi Scott and Ella Balinska. You can check out the trailer below.

The new trio is a far cry from the the first reboot of Charlie’s Angels back in 2000 featuring Cameron Diaz, Lucy Liu, and Drew Barrymore, and it’s an even bigger departure from the original Charlie’s Angels starring Farrah Fawcett, Kate Jackson, and Jaclyn Smith.

The cheesecake appeal of the original 1970s series and the 2000 reboot is basically gone. They’ve replaced it with the standard-fare feminist empowerment schtick that was tired and annoying even when Anita Sarkeesian was pumping it up the rectum of the mainstream entertainment industry back in 2012, and it’s even more tired now than it was back then, seven years later.

The trailer literally starts with Kristen Stewart femsplaining to an Asian male about women being able to do anything, to which he retorts “just because they can doesn’t mean they should”, which inevitably leads to Stewart and her partner violently and physically overpowering 200lbs bodyguards.

Charlies Angels - Women Can Do Anything

They also replaced Bosley with a woman… played by none other than Elizabeth Banks. Did I mention that Elizabeth Banks was in the movie? Because in case the trailer didn’t drill home the point that Elizabeth Banks single-handedly chiseled this movie out of the mystical relic of an ancient filmmaking monolith. Yup… all by herself.

Anyway, Bosley used to be played by a guy, but apparently having straight white men who aren’t geriatric in movies promoting female empowerment is a huge no-no these days.

I have no idea what the plot of the movie is other than that Elizabeth Banks recruits the trio of diverse divas to do… something? I don’t know, the movie is so focused on the three girls beating up men and blowing things up it’s hard to tell what they’re doing and why. It’s also bizarre that they try to portray the least feminine of the trio as the one with the most sex appeal. Like who thought Kristen Stewart in booty-shorts was a good idea?

Charlies Angels - Kristen Stewart Booty Shorts

Was that some fan-service for the lesbians or for dudes who like chicks who look like dudes?

The thing is, I have no idea who this movie is supposed to be for. It’s chock full of feminist cliches yet rife with explosions. Neither of the three girls are bombshells so it’s not like they’re trying to draw men to the theaters for any kind of female sex appeal being on display. And the whole “women can do anything!” trope is so overplayed and tired I can only imagine the most bitter and spiteful of lonely landwhale feminists who no longer have Sarkeesian’s scornful rants to sink their teeth into on her bi-quarterly release schedule would find this film appealing.

It literally contains almost all of the most annoying Left-wing tropes pushed by feminists these days: the snarky lesbian-bait lead, the female minority programmer who totally exist guys we promise, and the black chick who is there to remind people that they’re totally not racist, along with a supporting cast of non-white males and gay guys to show how inclusive they are.

I can’t imagine any normal person sitting through a film like this without projectile vomiting their sanity all over the theater seats.

Anyway, this woke-ready reboot of Charlie’s Angels is due to drop in theaters this November, because Sony obviously didn’t learn their lesson with the 2016 Ghostbusters reboot, which found itself with a one-way ticket to the Get Woke; Go Broke Master List.


Billy has been rustling Jimmies for years covering video games, technology and digital trends within the electronics entertainment space. The GJP cried and their tears became his milkshake. Need to get in touch? Try the Contact Page.

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