Vermont senator and presidential candidate Bernie Sanders has an official Twitch channel. This move surely tops the pandering of Pete Buttigieg drinking in the park. However, a Sanders Twitch channel is still behind Elizabeth Warren chugging fire water on Instagram Live in the cringe category. Although, I haven’t decided if Sanders being featured alongside titty painting “artist” like ZombiUnicorn is more or less creepy than the antics of Joe Biden.
I can picture it now. Little Timmy’s parents head out for the evening leavin’ the lil tike home alone. Timmy fires up the family computer faster than Francis O’Rourke trying to run from the scene of a drunk driving accident. He pulls out his scented bottle of hand lotion. He makes sure the box of tissue is within easy reach. Timmy then heads to the one site, Twitch, where a young boy can see half naked chicks that isn’t blocked by parental controls. It is then lil Timmy is met with the smiling face of grandpa Sanders!
I digress however, because this isn’t an article about young men looking for cheap thrills. No, this is an article to discuss the stupidity that is a Bernie Sanders Twitch channel. You see, Twitch is suppose to be a site for gaming content. Now, gamers are already pissed that Twitch allows bullshit arts and crafts, eating, and simply talk channels. The last thing they want is a political channel bringing more out of touch old people onto Twitch, which is exactly what a Sanders channel is going to do. You see, there is zero chance Sanders is going to be able to leech viewers off of already established channels. So, the viewers of Sanders channel are going to be Twitter and Facebook tourists trying to make Sanders 2020 more than a meme.
I know what you’re thinking. New people coming over to Twitch is a good thing. WRONG! You see the people Sanders is going to bring to Twitch are the kind of people Twitch is gonna have to clean house to impress. No more dirty dishes in the sink. No more empty beer cans left out on the coffee table. No, Twitch is going to become squeaky fucking clean because they will be damned if they let any of us embarrass them when the mainstream media comes around to gawk at Bernie.
How will Twitch ensure you won’t embarrass them? By banning your ass faster than Corey Booker can shout “I am Sparticus”! Twitch has already shown it has no time for memers or shit posters when it handed out bans to the mad lads filling up the content on the Artifact channel. Our very own Angry Gamer Billy D did an article on that Artifact situation which can be read here. So you better believe that any message in chat not toeing the liberal line will be grounds for booting your ass off of Twitch. Seeing how Twitch is a capitalist website, bringing it down just might be what the old commie from Vermont wants.
Now I could rant all day and night about this, but I have neither the inclination nor the masochistic tendencies to do so. I will leave you with this thought. If Sanders is going to be on Twitch, how are we going to insure that all the donations that come pouring in are from US citizens and not foreign nationals? Furthermore, even if the donations are from American citizens how can we know it was from someone old enough to donate and not lil Timmy hoping to see Sanders do a few squats for cash?