About a month ago I wrote an article for One Angry Gamer about Twitch feeling the Bern. In the article I briefly talked about Twitch being the one site a teenage boy could ogle some tits without having parental controls cock block him. So, you must have imagined how elated I was when my boy Billy D told me I was going to cover the #SlutStream event on Twitch. If normal Twitch is overflowing with displays of massive mammaries spilling out of the tiniest tops known to man then surely #SlutStream was going to set a high score for donations at the sperm bank. This is the kind of thing you dream about and I was going to get paid to watch it!
However, as we all know, reality is often disappointing. You see, the #SlutStream featured 2 neck beards, 2 soy boys, 1 confused land whale that thinks he’s a chick, 1 feminist with danger hair, and a post wall Kaceytron. My dick retracted so fast I had to check my gender pronouns.
If the sight of these 7 misfits wasn’t bad enough my ears damn near bled from the SJW propaganda they regurgitated into the ear holes of their fans. In an instant this went from my dream assignment to the reason I’m putting in for hazard pay.
The saddest part of all of this wasn’t the amount of coverage the #SlutStream was given by the mainstream gaming press. No, it was all the dumbass hot takes people like the QuarterPoundering made before the event even kicked off. How brave is it to point out that women get special treatment and that the hotter the woman is the greater that treatment is? Yeah, we get it. Female privilege is a thing. Making videos about Twitch thots from your basement as your wife and her boyfriend eat dinner upstairs won’t change anything. And doing so before the event even happens makes you look like a huge jackass when said event is tamer than limbo night at the retirement home.
The #SlutStream, which I was banned from for my less than appreciative comments, is raising money for charity while it’s detractors are fixing to run defense of their aforementioned “hot” takes. So, as much as it pains me to say it, the thots won this round boys. Now, if you will excuse me, Billy D promised me tiddies and the local strip club is having all you can eat chicken wings. Billy, OAG better cover the lap dances as part of my field reporting stipend.