Sonic The Hedgehog’s Movie Trailer Is Wrong On So Many Levels That It’s Difficult To Criticize It Properly
Sonic The Hedgehog - Face

Paramount Pictures released the full trailer for Sonic The Hedgehog and it’s mind-blowing mess. It’s hard to put into words what a train wreck of a film this is going to be, but I will do my darndest to try.

So the trailer is just under three minutes long and it’s set to Coolio’s “Gangsta Paradise”. Yes, the person who leaked that information beforehand was absolutely correct about that tidbit of information. James Marsden plays a cop who tracks down Sonic after the blue hedgehog speeds by the officer while racing around Green Hills. Sonic lives in a dirty looking hole with a bunch of busted up shoes. There’s a massive power outage that takes place, forcing the U.S., government to bring in Dr. Eggman (played by Jim Carrey) to capture or destroy Sonic.

Jim Carrey seems to be the anchor of the film because he’s the only thing that seems to make some sense. Sonic and James Marsden then team up to take down Eggman, which involves battling against his robotic creations.

You can check out the disturbing trailer below.

It’s just… it’s… wow.

So first of all, the design of Sonic is horrible. It looks like a furry pedophile’s DeviantArt artwork come to life. Sonic has the body of a potbellied 12-year-old. His head looks like a fursona mask, and his CGI quality is absolutely horrendous.

Sonic The Hedgehog - Missiles

For some reason instead of making Sonic look loveable and cute they made him look disturbing and creepy.

They gave him lips, which is just bizarre. They removed his uni-eyeball to give him separate eyes, so he looks kind of retarded now. His nose looks like it’s part of a mask, and he basically has no neck.

Sonic The Hedgehog - Posing

The physics also don’t make any sense. He burns through his shoes quickly yet he moves at super-sonic speeds. The shoes wouldn’t even last a single run at that rate.

He can also see missiles moving in slow motion and essentially goes around dodging and redirecting them, but he couldn’t dodge the dart gun that James Marsden fired at him? What?

Sonic The Hedgehog – Stretching

Most people are comparing this meme-filled piece of trash with the 1993 Super Mario Bros. movie. I can see why, but at least the Super Mario Bros. film actually isn’t that bad if you just view it as a fantasy-cyberpunk flick instead of anything related to Nintendo’s popular platforming brand. This film? This film… I don’t even know what it’s trying to do.

Anyway, this will likely create more disturbing fans of Sonic, more bleach-worthy art on DeviantArt, and more FBI-watchlist style groups to emerge on Tumblr.

You can look for Sonic The Hedgehog movie to hit theaters this November.

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Billy has been rustling Jimmies for years covering video games, technology and digital trends within the electronics entertainment space. The GJP cried and their tears became his milkshake. Need to get in touch? Try the Contact Page.

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