Glumberland announced that their Animal Crossing inspired slice-of-life sim called Ooblets would be an Epic Games Store exclusive when it launches, whenever. I’m not going to bother looking up the release date because it doesn’t deserve the plug. Anyway, these arsehats decided that the best way to address the exclusivity was to mock the people who would otherwise buy their game.
They made a condescending blog post on July 31st, 2019, and after joking about Karl Marx (because it’s something hipster Liberals love to do even while not realizing that in a Communist society they would be in a gulag due to their degenerate beliefs) they talk about the exclusivity deal, writing…
“Okay so goofing aside, yes, we’ve signed with Epic for PC launch exclusivity. It’s incredible news for us and I’m hoping you all can be excited about it, too.
“We asked Epic if we could talk frankly about the situation and they were like whatever, so here’s a bit of insight into what this all means and why we did it:
“Who is Epic and what are you talking about?
“ Epic is a company that makes the Unreal game engine, a bunch of popular games including Fortnite, and the Epic Game Store (EGS).
“EGS is a PC game distribution platform like Steam, Origin, Itch.io, and GOG Galaxy.
“Epic paying for PC exclusives has become the latest thing Gamers™ have gotten angry about, which I’ll talk more about a bit further down”
The “Gamers™” is the latest anti-gaming rhetoric to spawn from Left-wing propagandists who hate the people who give them money for products. So let it be known that these chud-bucket sub-humans don’t even like the very demographic that would otherwise buy their product. Let that sink in for a moment.
They go on to say…
“Ooblets will be launching on PC through EGS. We won’t be selling the game on other PC stores for a pretty long while (that’s the exclusivity bit).
We’ll still be launching on Xbox One. The Epic exclusivity is just limited to PC.
We got some cash money upfront from the deal so we can make the game we always wanted to with fewer compromises.”
The real takeaway from the post is about the guaranteed minimum amount of sales that Epic promised them.
This is something that was talked about before by the guys at SNK, who mentioned that they were approached for an exclusivity deal that would guarantee a minimum amount of sell-through for the product. Basically, a subsidy for the cost of what the game would have sold had people bought ‘X’ amount of copies, even if they don’t.
“Because Epic doesn’t yet have the same market share as their competitors, they offered us a minimum guarantee on sales that would match what we’d be wanting to earn if we were just selling Ooblets across all the stores. That takes a huge burden of uncertainty off of us because now we know that no matter what, the game won’t fail and we won’t be forced to move back in with our parents (but we do love and appreciate you, parents!).
“Now we can just focus on making the game without worrying about keeping the lights on. The upfront money they’re providing means we’ll be able to afford more help and resources to start ramping up production and doing some cooler things.”
With a guaranteed number of sales, it absolutely calls into question news stories about games like Satisfactory moving 500,000 copies, as reported by Neowin.
Did Satisfactory really move 500,000 or were that many bought by Epic to meet the guaranteed amount of sales for the agreement?
Since there’s zero transparency on the sales data, player-counts, ownership data, or monthly active users for select games, we literally have no idea how well Epic Games Store exclusives are actually selling other than what we’re told, and what we’re told isn’t trustworthy.
Anyway, Glumberland rounded out the anti-consumer post by defending the anti-consumer antics of Epic Games, even taking digs at people who pirate Epic Games Store exclusives, writing…
“It’s also really disappointing to see folks threatening to pirate a game just because they can’t get it on the game launcher they’re used to. Feeling like you’re owed the product of other people’s work on your terms or else you’ll steal it is the epitome of that word “entitlement” that people use to discuss immature, toxic gamers.
“I get the appeal of wanting to seek out things to get angry about. Venting anger is cathartic and natural, but let’s have just a little perspective about what we decide to get angry about. Look at the things going on around you and ask yourself if there might be anything just a tad more worthwhile to be upset about.
“Here are just a few suggestions:
Human rights abuses
The new Twitter desktop UI
The last season of Game of Thrones
“(Those last two were jokes, please don’t yell at people about them)”
This kind of condescending response for people could have otherwise been a consumer is the most counterproductive attitude a developer could take.
Given that Epic is already paying for guaranteed sales, it means that they can say whatever they want without worrying about people not buying their game after they rolled out all of that stupid malarkey about Left-wing bull crap like human rights abuses and climate change.
How about f*ck your game, f*ck you, and f*ck everybody who buys your game. How’s that?
(Thanks for the news tip Vlesh)